The Cynical Romantic

I am a cynical romantic. This is a fact about that me I have come to terms with..

Life has given me just the right amount of highs,lows, breakups and what ifs to mold the person I am today.Of course, I still share, give and feel love for family, friends and pets, but as for romantic love? Meh...
What's more fucked up about my 'condition' is that when I sit down and think about it, like meditate for hours in silence, sitting alone in the forest, beach, etc. (alcohol optional) and shit, I still personally believe in the idea of love and romance, the admittance of admiration and seeing the fruition of infatuation, the reality of sharing candle light dinners and long walks in the park, the kisses, the hugs and the whole package because I see that in well, just about everyone in my news feed. ( Curse you 'Top stories'. You have been my enemy since early 2014 -_-) I still believe in love because it's caught everyone...except me. Apparently, I'm not allowed to have it.

Romance persistently haunts and taunts me every day of my life. It makes me want to try then it bitch slaps me for making even the slightest attempts. It's annoying and downright saddening at the same time. How's that for a combo? Without a doubt, I can say I have the biggest heart when it comes to trying. Manning up to chat that girl across the room? Check. Getting her number and double checking if they're available? Double check. Landing that first date? Nailed that. Securing that second (hell,even more) dates? Dude, I'm on a roll.

Asking if this is likely to go anywhere and if we could just talk about ourselves till dawn? Hold up, bitch. Too real. Reality used different reasons such as having other loved ones in far off places, plans for the future and my personal favorite as of late, 'I can't love you like the way you love me'. Super effective indeed.

Thankfully, I have toughened up my head and heart to a point where it barely bothers me anymore and I can move forward easily enough but sadly when I think about it, this 'events' just makes me even me more cynical as time passes...and that's not good. Funny enough, some of my closest friends (as well as annoying aunts and family friends) have noticed this by now and they have nothing but blazing support...and non stop suggestions of who I should be dating next. I get it, guys. Please stahp.

Maybe I shouldn't be chasing love. I've never been good at it. It's funny when I think about it, really...
Love comes to me when I least expect it.
When I was lost during high school, it showed up.
When I was dealing with death, it showed up again.
When I has handed a huge responsibility in college, it showed up yet again.
At this point, I'd like to quote Adam Driver's character Allan in the 2013 rom-com flick "What if":

"It's complicated. All this love shit's complicated. And that's good. Because if it's too simple you've got no reason to try, and if you've got no reason to try you don't."

One thing I would like to point out, though: I maybe a cynical romantic but I'm also an optimistic person.I am surrounded by good peeps and I am very comfortable with myself right now both physically and mentally.

I always think about the good things that will happen. My fam is the best as always. I love my friends and I enjoy being a positive influence and force in other’s lives. I guess a change of perspective is in order. A reshuffling of priorites, if you will. With that concept, I expect that love will manage to find its way in, one way or another. This love may not be romantic at first or at all but I'd gladly entertain it as it comes...Maybe this is how it should go for me.
Sooner or later, I will find that someone. Just not right now.


Peace out.



   

-Chady

#RCG

What if I told you I'd want to change Random? To Real? To Romantic?
What if I told you I wanted something more? Something more consistent? From this...from us.

I hate beating around the bush but the creative side of me prevents me to go directly to the point so bear with me on this one as I try to make this as precise as I can...with only a sprinkle of glitter.

Last year starting around January 22,2014 (Time stamps, gotta love 'em)
We started having our conversations...

What would have seemed like normal conversations to you but to me...let's just say you talked to me at the right time. Genuine human interaction any depressed soul would want. For that, I am thankful you stuck around to chat.

Over the course of last year, the spontaneous, random moments of talking to you became the highlights of my day whenever I came online. It was always nice talking to someone about their day, their events, their life. I almost forgot to mention how ridiculously long we took to make our 'date' happen. 12 freakin months. That was fun hehe. I was so relieved that we  finally got to make it happen. And when I saw you...well, #speechless. I blame your haircut. +100 points from the start.Hanging out with you is, as expected, a delight. You are so much fun. Did I mention you looked great in your haircut?
Easily one of my best memories of last year.

Here's the thing now, though... I never acknowledged this before but right now, I have somehow grown attached...to you. I'm not gonna mention how pretty you are or how great you are talk to because c'mon, we both know you are pretty and you are great to talk to. Those are facts that don't need to be repeated.

This I will say, though:
You're quirky, spontaneous, fickle-minded, unpredictable, immensely talented and such a free spirit. Such traits I can never be...which is maybe I am drawn to you as of late.

Last year, I was just a guy who was glad to have someone to talk to. This year, I want to be more than glad. I want to be happy.

For the longest time, I kept such moments to myself with a girl who I considered a close friend and the stupidest thing I've done so far (as pointed out by my inner circle) is why I kept this to myself too long. Well, fine. New year. New possibilities. Maybe I can be the one who would be spontaneous for a change...

So right now, I now admit (to the people that know me personally) I like you.
Family and friends have told me I was crazy to wait this long and fine, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry as well to you if this is somewhat sudden...or delayed... See? Even, I don't know how to phrase this now so let me put it this way...

Valentines is coming up and it would mean the world to me if you would be my Valentine. Let me know if you're coming home. Let me know if you can't and I'll head over to you.  Let me know when and where. I'll wait. Take care always.

-Chady

P.S. By my calculations and I hope I'm correct,.. happy three years at your workplace. :)

Oh Hai

Oh hi. So it's almost been a month since my last post.

I'm adjusting pretty well to my new environment thanks largely in part to support from my fam and good friends as well. I can't say that I am doing fine at work for now as I have yet to face real, long-term projects and I still have to learn (or relearn, lol) and be familiar with the stuff that everyone does like checking the files myself so project progression will be smooth. This is something I really hope to learn and acquire sometime soon so that I can feel a little bit more calm at work but other than that, everything has been fine so far.

What I've been doing so far:
-Ultra Street Fighter 4 OHMYGASH Love/Hate
-Watched How To Train Your Dragon 2 (pretty good)
-Discovered Happy/Chill vibes and livin it. (ENM!)
-Hangin out with mah peeps (never a bad thing)
-Workin out and doing cardio (Yeah even I'm surprised)
-Apparently I'm an MMK follower now (lolz)
-Binge watching movies (Roomie has a shit ton new and old)
-Going to the weirdest sites (e.g. http://www.wherethefuckshouldigotoeat.com

That's it for now. Peace out.

-Chady