The Cynical Romantic

I am a cynical romantic. This is a fact about that me I have come to terms with..

Life has given me just the right amount of highs,lows, breakups and what ifs to mold the person I am today.Of course, I still share, give and feel love for family, friends and pets, but as for romantic love? Meh...
What's more fucked up about my 'condition' is that when I sit down and think about it, like meditate for hours in silence, sitting alone in the forest, beach, etc. (alcohol optional) and shit, I still personally believe in the idea of love and romance, the admittance of admiration and seeing the fruition of infatuation, the reality of sharing candle light dinners and long walks in the park, the kisses, the hugs and the whole package because I see that in well, just about everyone in my news feed. ( Curse you 'Top stories'. You have been my enemy since early 2014 -_-) I still believe in love because it's caught everyone...except me. Apparently, I'm not allowed to have it.

Romance persistently haunts and taunts me every day of my life. It makes me want to try then it bitch slaps me for making even the slightest attempts. It's annoying and downright saddening at the same time. How's that for a combo? Without a doubt, I can say I have the biggest heart when it comes to trying. Manning up to chat that girl across the room? Check. Getting her number and double checking if they're available? Double check. Landing that first date? Nailed that. Securing that second (hell,even more) dates? Dude, I'm on a roll.

Asking if this is likely to go anywhere and if we could just talk about ourselves till dawn? Hold up, bitch. Too real. Reality used different reasons such as having other loved ones in far off places, plans for the future and my personal favorite as of late, 'I can't love you like the way you love me'. Super effective indeed.

Thankfully, I have toughened up my head and heart to a point where it barely bothers me anymore and I can move forward easily enough but sadly when I think about it, this 'events' just makes me even me more cynical as time passes...and that's not good. Funny enough, some of my closest friends (as well as annoying aunts and family friends) have noticed this by now and they have nothing but blazing support...and non stop suggestions of who I should be dating next. I get it, guys. Please stahp.

Maybe I shouldn't be chasing love. I've never been good at it. It's funny when I think about it, really...
Love comes to me when I least expect it.
When I was lost during high school, it showed up.
When I was dealing with death, it showed up again.
When I has handed a huge responsibility in college, it showed up yet again.
At this point, I'd like to quote Adam Driver's character Allan in the 2013 rom-com flick "What if":

"It's complicated. All this love shit's complicated. And that's good. Because if it's too simple you've got no reason to try, and if you've got no reason to try you don't."

One thing I would like to point out, though: I maybe a cynical romantic but I'm also an optimistic person.I am surrounded by good peeps and I am very comfortable with myself right now both physically and mentally.

I always think about the good things that will happen. My fam is the best as always. I love my friends and I enjoy being a positive influence and force in other’s lives. I guess a change of perspective is in order. A reshuffling of priorites, if you will. With that concept, I expect that love will manage to find its way in, one way or another. This love may not be romantic at first or at all but I'd gladly entertain it as it comes...Maybe this is how it should go for me.
Sooner or later, I will find that someone. Just not right now.


Peace out.



   

-Chady